The Facts of Life
by ChinoYaEejit
Summary: On the night before harry's birthday James shares some of the more important facts of life with him R/R pleaz...


Disclaimer- We all know there's no chance of me _ever_ owning the ever-so-wonderful Harry Potter, am I right or am I right?

It was a peaceful cloudless night on Godric's hollow. Most of the inhabitants of the Potter residence were sleeping soundlessly, anticipating the next day which would be baby Harry's first birthday.  That was until the quiet night was abruptly disturbed.

_"Wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" _A baby's cry rang throughout the halls awaking the other two people in the house.

"James," Said the drowsy voice of Lily Potter,

"Mmrph..." James responded in his pillow.

"James, get up!" Lily said a little more awake now.

"Mrrrph? Why?" He questioned in a whiny voice.

_"Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" _

"That's why! Now get up and go tend to your son's needs." She said with her head falling back on the pillow.

 "_My _son? He came out of you! How come you can't go?" 

"James, you better go before you say something you'll regret and end up sleeping in the doghouse... literally." Lily said in a dangerous tone.

"We don't have a dog." James replied meekly.

Lily turned towards him and eyed him dangerously. "James, its three 'o' clock in the morning and I really don't care what we do and don't have but you can believe I'll _find_ a way to put you in a doghouse and make you stay there."  She said eerily calm.

"_Wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"_

If looks could kill, James would have dropped dead then and there from the vicious scowl Lily was giving him.  James was smart enough to take a hint and gingerly stepped out of bed mumbling to himself.  

"What was that you said?" Lily asked, her words being muffled by the pillow.

"Nothing, Darling."

"Good. Love ya, James." 

_'Riiiight...'_ He thought.

As he walked down the halls he could see the pictures on the wall kind of vibrate from Harry's deafening cries.

"Sheesh. That kid has a mouth on him! I wonder where he gets _that _from."  James said to himself, referring to his wife's habit of always yelling and scolding him.

When he reached Harry's room he could see the toddler's little body shake with his sputters and cries.

"Hey little guy, what's wrong?"  He questioned softly, lifting him out of his crib. He offered Harry a bottle which he refused to take and checked his diaper which was clean.  He then came to the conclusion that nothing was wrong with him.  

"All better then?" He said laying the scruffy haired baby back on his back.

As soon as Harry's head hit the pillow he began to screech again.  James reached to lift him up again but paused when Harry stopped crying.  Harry looked up at James with his big emerald eyes and started giggling.

"So you think it's funny? Dragging me out of my bed in the middle of the night for no reason?" James asked Harry in mock anger.

"Dah!" Harry squealed.

James shook a disapproving finger at the child.

"Don't you 'dah' me, I'm serious!"

"Pafoo!"

"What? Oh no... not Padfoot, Daddy."

"Mooey? Mooey up!"

James sighed and complied with Harry's wishes by lifting him up out of the crib once again.  Harry squealed with delight and proceeded to run his pudgy fingers through his father's hair, dishelving it worse than its original messy state.

"It's amazing how you managed to learn everyone else's name but mine."

Harry just seemed to giggle more at his father's remark.

"Oh look at the time! Well at least I'm the first one to say happy birthday to you. See Harry?" James said pointing towards the clock that read 3:18, "You've been one for three hours and eighteen minutes now."

"Bah... daa boo gee yah!"  Harry responded speaking in his own little baby language.

"Now that you're one I think it's time you've learned some of the facts of life."

Harry seemed to understand and looked up at his father in a questioning way.

"Guh?"

"What? Not _those_ facts of life. That'll be your mom and Sirius's job.  I mean the _important_ facts of life."

"Ohhhh... Jeeb ooo."  

"For instance, never bet your money on the Chudley Canons because well... they're just a lost cause."

"Quish!"

"Yeah Quidditch. Quidditch is one of the greatest things in the entire universe. That's another fact of life. But you already knew that didn't you?" 

Harry pointed at his at his wallpaper which was painted a blue sky with an enchanted snitch zooming across it.

"Snee!"

"Snitch? Well I guess you would make an okay Seeker. I always thought you to be a chaser like your old man though..." James said gazing at the snitch with Harry.

"Fak!"

"Wha? Oh yeah, back to the facts.  Let's see... oh here's another one.  Slytherins are never to be trusted _but _their always good for a laugh.  You'll understand when you get to Hogwarts."

"Gahgords!"

"Yeah, Hogwarts. You're really catching on with this talking thing. And speaking of Hogwarts, here's three ways to not look suspicious to the professors after pulling a prank. This always works"

"Allays?" Harry said looking as skeptical a baby could look.

"Well... maybe not always but most of the time. Number one: Always tell the professors that you think the _person_ who pulled the prank should be caught.  Number two: if a teacher vaguely suspects you just look around and whistle.  Number three: Always pull pranks in a group because the chances of getting caught are split. Got it?"

"Doooby!"

"I'll take that as a yes." James replied, twirling Harry around like an airplane.

"Oh yeah, another thing to learn is how to use your uncles properly."

"Pafoo ag Mooey?"

"Yeah them.  It's best to go to Uncle Padfoot if your mum forbids you to have something foolish or dangerous.  Foolish and dangerous things are his specialty. "

"Vroom Vroom!"

"Just like the motorcycle." James said nodding. "Uncle Moony is... how do I put this?  Okay I got it.  Uncle Moony is just like another Mommy!"

Harry stared at James with his mouth open as if to say 'I don't get it'

"I know he doesn't look like a mommy but he shares her good qualities. Like... being smart and having useful and sane information unlike your other uncles.  Plus, Uncle Moony has all the chocolate and stories you could ever want!"

This bit of information seemed to get Harry's attention.

"Uncle Wormtail-"

"Wat!"

"That's right, rat! You sure know your animals Harry. Anyway Uncle Wormtail is... well... kind of like a slytherin, good for a laugh."

"Wat!"

"And this last fact of life is probably the most important one.  Never _ever_ say your mother's wrong.  It can be _very_ dangerous, believe me! Most of the times she's right anyway..."

"That's right Harry.  Most of the times she's right anyway. Your daddy didn't learn that until he was seventeen." A new voice interrupted.

James turned towards the right to see Lily in the doorway grinning.  She advanced towards him and motioned for Harry to come to her.

"Oh so _now_ you wanna get out of bed to see Harry. Sorry but Harry won't stand for that, will you?"

"Come to mommy, Harry."

Harry happily slid down from his father's lap and nearly ran to clutch the bottom of Lily's nightgown.  

"Maaa!"

"Traitor..." James muttered to himself.

"So, finished filling or son's brain with your... knowledge of the world?"  

"How long have you've been listening in on our _private_ conversation?" James interrogated, stressing the word 'private'.

"I came in at the part where you were listing the similarities between me and Remus."  Lily said sitting down on James lap placing Harry between them.

"You Prefects are all alike..."

All three of them just sat there for a moment, with their eyes closed in the relaxing quiet atmosphere of the nursery.

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you remember to tell Harry the most important fact of life?"

"...The one about yellow snow?"

"No, silly." She said ruffling his hair in a way similar to Harry's.

"The one about his parents loving him unconditionally as long as he lives."

"Lily what you just said was true yet... extremely _corny._"

"It doesn't matter," Lily said putting a slightly snoring Harry in his crib. "They're the facts of life."

"_Very _corny indeed."

"Oh shut up."  She said slapping him playfully.

~The End~

AN- It would be _reeaaalllyyy nice for someone to review…_


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